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 More Than 726,000 COVID Vaccine Injuries Reported to VAERS as CDC, FDA Overrule Advisory Committees’ Recommendations on Third Pfizer Shot

- September 24, 2021VAERS data released Friday by the CDC included a total of 726,965 reports of adverse events from all age groups following COVID vaccines, including 15,386 deaths and 99,410 serious injuries between Dec. 14, 2020 and Sept. 17, 2021.Data released Sept. 17 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) showed that between Dec. 14, 2020 and Sept. 17, 2021, a total of ...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/25/2021
Vaccine Safety
COVID Approval Rating Skyrockets After Briefly Interrupting 'The View'

- September 25, 2021U.S.—COVID's approval rating has skyrocketed after briefly interrupting The View this week with a positive test scare. According to a Gallup poll, 96% of Americans now approve of COVID, up from just 2% before The View broadcast was interrupted with two of the hosts testing positive for the virus. "You know, this COVID thing isn't so b...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/25/2021
Fun
Pfizer Assures That Vaccine Is Almost As Safe For Kids As COVID

- September 20, 2021NEW YORK, NY—After conducting several trials, Pfizer has announced that their vaccine is now almost as safe for kids as getting COVID is. "We are very proud of this achievement," said a Pfizer spokesperson. "We can now confidently say that there is only a very small chance your child will suffer life-altering complications or death from the vaccine. Ch...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/20/2021
Fun
Schoolboy Who Hasn't Seen A Human Face In Weeks Just Glad Celebrities Had A Good Time Last Night

- September 20, 2021HONESDALE, PA—According to sources, local second-grade boy Carter Yoder is really happy all the rich celebrities in Hollywood got to take their masks off and have a good time last night, even though he has been forced to stay in isolation with his mask on at all times during school. "One thing my teachers have always taught me is that Hollywood celebri...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/20/2021
Fun
White House: 'We Must Continue Admitting Unvaccinated Immigrants To Replace All The Workers Who Got Fired For Being Unvaccinated'

- September 18, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking on behalf of President Biden, Jen Psaki claimed today that we should keep letting unvaccinated immigrants into the country, since we need to fill all the roles of unvaccinated workers who got fired.Psaki said it's the position of the White House that the flood of unvaccinated immigrants is a good thing."We must continue admitting unvacci...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/18/2021
Fun
Liberal Annoyed His Mask Hides How Smug He Looks For Wearing A Mask

- September 18, 2021PORTLAND, OR—Local liberal man Patrick Verde wears a mask everywhere, but there's just one problem: nobody can see how smug he looks over his superiority for wearing a mask. "If nobody can see how smug I look, what's the point?" he lamented to the Portland Politburo. "I'm so much better than everyone else, but they can't see my superior...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/18/2021
Fun
Vaccinated Man Just Wishes There Was Something That Could Protect Him From COVID

- September 14, 2021U.S.—The vaccinated millions have done what they’re supposed to. They’ve taken the vaccine to show they care about others and are good human beings. Now, these important citizens are looking for just one more thing: something to protect them from COVID.“I took my vaccine to show I’m one of the group,” said Kyle Howard, who had the Pfizer vacc...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/14/2021
Fun
Biden Declares We Must Spray Sunscreen On Everyone To Protect Those Already Wearing Sunscreen

- September 4, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden today issued a new executive order mandating that every single American be covered with sunscreen, in order to protect the good Americans who are already wearing sunscreen."I am really, really starting to lose my patience with these jerks that don't wear the sunscreen," said a visibly angry President Biden. "You have...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/14/2021
Fun
Man Disguises Self As Illegal Immigrant So Democrats Won't Care That He's Unvaccinated

- September 10, 2021SAN DIEGO, CA—According to sources, Democrats in Washington really want people to get vaccinated. When it comes to undocumented immigrants, however, Democrats don't really seem to care as much. This led local man Damien Cooper to pose as an illegal immigrant so politicians won't bother him about getting vaccinated all the time. "Hola," said Cooper t...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/10/2021
Fun
Biden Unveils 'Your Body, My Choice' Vaccination Program

- September 9, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a speech today, Joe Biden unveiled a brand new program to force the rest of the country to get vaccinated, entitled "Your Body, My Choice.""Listen folks, make mistake. Uh, make no mistake," said the President, reading carefully off the teleprompter. "I have complete control and sole authority over everything you do with your bod...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/09/2021
Fun
Biden Announces He Has Natural Immunity To The Constitution

- September 9, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden has announced a sweeping vaccine mandate for private citizens and companies that experts say is a grossly unconstitutional government overreach. Biden, however, has said it won't be a problem as he has developed a natural immunity to the Constitution. "Listen folks, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry abo...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/09/2021
Fun
New Mask For Democratic Politicians Automatically Goes Up When A Camera Is Around

- September 3, 2021U.S.—An innovative new battery-powered mask for Democratic politicians will automatically deploy whenever it detects a camera around. Dubbed the AutoMask, the mask uses advanced camera lens detection technology to recognize when a Democrat congressman, governor, senator, or president is being filmed. Then, the battery-powered, spring-loaded mask flies up to make it look li...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/03/2021
Fun
Costco Introduces New 5-Gallon Family Size Pfizer Vaccine

- August 31, 2021SEATTLE, WA—In a deal that probably has nothing to do with Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine showing disappointing long-term effectiveness, the pharmaceutical giant has announced an ambitious partnership with bulk wholesale giant Costco, and the unveiling of the new Pfizer-Kirkland Signature 5-Gallon Family Size Vaccine Booster Tub™.Every Costco store is now stocked with...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/31/2021
Fun
8 Other Things You Can Do Rather Than Mask Mandates If You Hate Children

- August 21, 2021Lots of people hate children and want them to suffer. The popular way to do that now is to make kids wear masks all the time despite the minimal risk from COVID-19 to children. But here are some other things to try out if you really hate children.Replace the chocolate chips in cookies with raisins. Haha! Take that, kids! You’re expecting chocolate, but instead, you get ...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/21/2021
Fun
School Board Meetings Now Being Held In Football Stadiums To Accommodate All The Angry Parents

- August 14, 2021U.S.—Across the country, school board meetings are being moved from small city halls and school district conference rooms to massive football stadiums to accomodate all the parents screaming and shouting about CRT, masks in schools, mandatory vaccines, and mandated COVID tests."We're gonna need a bigger auditorium," said school board member Grayson Pauly (he/hi...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/14/2021
Fun
Public School Starts Day With Pledge Of Allegiance To Dr. Fauci

- August 10, 2021RICHMOND, VA—A local 5th-grade class started classes this morning by standing and reciting the pledge of allegiance to Dr. Fauci, as is now the cherished custom. "Ritual is important for a sense of security and normalcy, and also to ensure these kids swear their undying allegiance to Dr. Fauci, who is the living embodiment of science and our hope for the future,&qu...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/10/2021
Fun
Nation Agrees To Get Vaccinated In Exchange For TikTok Influencers Being Launched Into The Sun

- August 10, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House has hired TikTok influencer Benny Drama to help promote COVID vaccinations, and this move has already delivered stunning results. After Benny released a video of himself with long nails and a skirt prancing around with Jen Psaki, tens of millions of unvaccinated people have signed up to get vaccinated. There is a catch, though: They first wan...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/10/2021
Fun
MY GATES AND FAUCI MEMES

- August 9, 2021These memes run more or less in the order I created them starting in 2020.As somebody recently said, memes should be called “spoiler alerts.” I posted my first Bill Gates COVID meme on Twitter on January 24, 2020. This was it:|See? I knew it. They’re all in this together.BREAKING. Saying that “masks are not enough,” Dr. Anthony Fauci is urging that cit...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/09/2021
Fun
Mayor Bowser Vows To Viciously Enforce New Mask Mandate With Army Of Koopas

- August 3, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Mayor Muriel Bowser, sensing resistance to her mask decree, has promised ruthless enforcement of the new rule by bringing in a seemingly endless army of Koopas to her little kingdom."Gwa-ha-ha! This is what you get, minions!" roared the Mayor. "Fifty Power Stars - I mean COVID cases! Fifty cases, and I get to take your precious f...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/03/2021
Fun
Pelosi Orders Everyone At Capitol To Wear Swim Floaties In Case Of Flash Flood

- July 31, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced Friday that anyone visiting or working at the Capitol will be arrested on sight if they do not wear pool floaties in case a flash flood hits the building."Good morning, Friday morning," Pelosi said to reporters gathered in their swim floaties, pool rings, snorkels, and life jackets. "We will continue t...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/31/2021
Fun
FLASHBACK: CDC Recommends Using Baby Diapers as PPE

- July 29, 2021ATLANTA -- The CDC issued a statement recommending that doctors and nurses should now use baby diapers for personal protective equipment (PPE). Given the widespread national shortages of N95 respirator masks, there has been a frantic search for a widely available alternative."We have been looking at a number of alternatives for the standard PPE," CDC stated. "We evalu...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/29/2021
Fun
Face Masks Found To Be Effective At Making You Look Like A Giant Dummy Who Doesn’t Know How Vaccines Work

- July 29, 2021ATLANTA, GA—The CDC is once again recommending face masks indoors—even for vaccinated individuals. While the exact effectiveness of face masks in preventing the spread of COVID-19 isn’t known, a new study has shown that face masks are highly ineffective in protecting you from looking like some giant dummy who doesn’t know how viruses or vaccines work.“W...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/29/2021
Fun
Dangerous New Freedom Variant Causing People To Ignore Government And Live Their Lives

- July 24, 2021U.S.—Experts are warning of yet another new problem facing the nation: They’ve spotted a new, more dangerous freedom variant spreading among the populace. This freedom is so virulent that people infected by it feel they can ignore government edicts about masks and lockdowns.“Usually, the freedom we see in the wild is fairly mild,” explained CDC official Huber...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/24/2021
Fun
Biden Announces Partnership With Skynet To Create Army Of Door-To-Door Vaccine Enforcement Robots

- July 10, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden has been hiring door-to-door vaccine evangelists, but as too many people would rather stay home and collect a government paycheck than work for the government and collect a government paycheck, the administration has been having trouble finding enough employees. So, the president has announced a groundbreaking deal with Cyberdyne Systems, a cutting-edge ...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/10/2021
Fun
Updated Death Certificates Require Choosing Between COVID, Climate Change, Or Systemic Racism As Cause Of Death

- July 7, 2021U.S.—The Biden administration is providing new guidance to coroners and medical examiners across the country for determining causes of death. From now on, doctors and officials who sign death certificates will be required to choose between COVID, climate change, or systemic racism to describe how the person died."Listen, folks, this is much easier," said Biden in a st...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/07/2021
Fun
Brilliant funny 2 minute video to send to vaxtards…

- July 2, 2021This is brilliant. This really puts this vaxxine nonsense straight into the bin. If you want to really wind them right up send them this… ...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/02/2021
Fun
Face Mask Says "This Mask Is As Useless As Joe Biden" Going Viral
Buy yours today!

- July 1, 2021(DHG) — A small Pro-trump online shop is going VIRAL on social media, for creating the only mask that people want to wear!Conservatives resonate deeply with  the hilarious message printed on the front which is unfortunately true..They have limited availability and are currently running quite the amazing deal where you can save big on buying more than on...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/01/2021
Fun
Delta Variant Found To Be Twice As Virulent And Blah Blah Blah...
Whatever. Who Cares At This Point.

- June 19, 2021U.S.—Scientists now warn that the COVID-19 Delta Variant is, like, more contagious and also, like... other stuff about it. Some of them have brought up masks again. I’m sure you’re rapt with attention about all this.“It’s really concerning,” said some scientist named... I dunno. Who cares what his name is. Anyway, he went on for a while, but it al...  READ MORE
nolanf
06/30/2021
Fun
Welsh Government Adopts COVID Advice from Meme
Tenors emit more virus than altos!

- June 25, 2021Throughout the pandemic, Guido’s repeatedly pointed out the failings of the Westminster media to hold regional governments to account, as they do the government in Whitehall. Mark Drakeford’s latest gaffe, which he’s seemingly got away with scot-free, is testament to this. At the weekend, the Welsh government published new Covid advice, recommending that if choir r...  READ MORE
nolanf
06/25/2021
Fun
Latest Science Now Says We All Must Wear Masks To Prevent Global Warming

- May 18, 2021U.S.—A new study from very credible scientists has revealed that science wants everyone to continue to wear masks for the foreseeable future. This is due to brand new evidence from real science that masks actually prevent global warming. "The best thing we can do to slow the spread of climate change and sea-level rise is to wear a mask," said Dr. Antonio Gro...  READ MORE
nolanf
05/18/2021
Fun
SNL takes aim at Dr. Fauci and mask confusion

- May 16, 2021 Saturday Night Live took time to mock the CDC's announcement earlier in the week that fully vaccinated people no longer need to wear face masks in certain situations. During the show's cold open, Kate McKinnon resumed her role as America's top infectious disease expert, Dr Anthony Fauci, as the comedy show went on to examine a series of scen...  READ MORE
nolanf
05/16/2021
Fun
Some Of The Funniest Tweets About The CDC Saying Vaccinated People Don't Need To Wear A Mask Anymore

- May 14, 2021After a year of not being able to recognize anyone on the street because we were all (mostly) masked up, the CDC announced Thursday that people no longer need to wear a mask or socially distance indoors or outdoors as long as they're fully vaccinated.The new guidance set off a wave of excitement, panic — oh my god, everyone can see me now??? — and some confu...  READ MORE
nolanf
05/14/2021
Fun
Johnson And Johnson Rolls Out New 'No More Clots' Vaccine

- April 29, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—A spokesman for the FDA announced Friday that it was lifting the pause on the Johnson and Johnson COVID vaccine after the company reformulated the product into a trademarked No More Clots™ formula. Shares of the company jumped 5% after the announcement. “We are pleased to announce that Johnson and Johnson’s new vaccine formula has passe...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/29/2021
Fun
Biden Wears Mask On Zoom Call In Case COVID Has Mutated Into A Computer Virus

- April 27, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Joe Biden was seen wearing a mask in a climate summit with world leaders, despite his being vaccinated and despite the conference being virtual and held over Zoom. This has made some wonder if Biden even understands how a virus works, but Biden says he’s just being cautious.“We can’t let our guard down just because we’re vacc...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/28/2021
Fun
All Scientists Forced To Retire After Realizing The Science Is Now Settled

- April 26, 2021WORLD—Thousands of scientists around the world are looking for new work after they realized the science is settled and there was no need for them anymore. "The science is settled," said climatologist Blorg Norbergrobben as he hung his head sadly. "I heard that on CNN. What am I going to do with my life now that all knowledge has been uncovered and wil...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/26/2021
Fun
Unclear What Political Party Man Belongs To Since He's Wearing Both A MAGA Hat And A Mask

- April 23, 2021HUDSON, OH—It’s been a crazy time for the past year, but some Ohio residents were exposed to a very confusing sight: Outside walking alone was a man wearing a red “Make America Great Again” hat and also wearing a mask. It gave people a headache just to look at him.“It's baffling to observe,” said one person. “You see the MAGA hat and go...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/23/2021
Fun
Man Who Trusts Science Wears Mask While Outside, Helmet While Driving, Water Wings While Taking A Bath

- April 19, 2021WALTHAM, MA—Kenny Stone always trusts the science. That’s why, despite getting vaccinated, he’s listening to Dr. Anthony Fauci and the CDC and continuing to wear a mask, even when outside. “There’s still a risk I could get the virus out there,” said Stone. “It’s a pretty large number -- like ten million... dividing a one -- so it&rsqu...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/19/2021
Fun
Pope Announces Vaccine Selfies Can Now Be Turned in to Spring a Relative Out of Purgatory
According to sources, the indulgence is good for the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines only.

- April 17, 2021In an effort to encourage vaccination among faithful Catholics worldwide, Pope Francis has announced that for a limited time, vaccine selfies can be turned in to church authorities in exchange for springing one relative out of purgatory.“Today I am issuing a Papal Bull granting indulgences for vaccine selfies,” said Francis. “If you take a snap of you ge...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/17/2021
Fun
More Conservatives Deciding Not To Get Vaccinated After Learning Liberals Will Stay Away From Them

- April 15, 2021U.S.—A new study has found that many conservatives are deciding not to get the COVID-19 vaccine after they learned that liberals will continue staying away from them for their safety.The Biden administration has been trying to reach out to conservatives to get them to take the vaccine, but the excellent benefits of not getting vaccinated, like being able to be alone all the t...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/15/2021
Fun
Experts Are Super Smart And 100% Reliable, Experts Confirm

- April 13, 2021U.S.—A new study performed by experts has confirmed that experts always know what they're talking about and never, ever just make stuff up to sound smart, experts confirmed today."Experts are always to be trusted and have never been wrong before," said the experts at the recent Expert Conference, Sponsored by Experts. "Experts are so smart. And also really ...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/13/2021
Fun
'It Is Still Not Safe To Go Outside,' Says Fauci's Head In A Jar In Year 2739

- April 12, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—An intercepted transmission that appears to be from the year 2739 shows footage of Dr. Anthony Fauci -- or rather, just his head, which has been preserved in a jar. In the video from the future, Fauci says it's still not safe to go outside, go to movie theaters, or eat indoors."Honestly, even if you've been immunized and are quadruple-masking, pe...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/12/2021
Fun
Texas Announces They Will Go Back To Shooting People Wearing Masks
On The Assumption They're Stagecoach Robbers

- April 8, 2021AUSTIN, TX—In yet another return to normalcy, Texas has announced that effective immediately they will return to their normal mask policy: Anyone wearing a mask is automatically shot, on the assumption that that person is about to rob a stagecoach.“We done licked that virus good,” announced Texas Governor Greg “Tex” Abbott. “Now it’s ti...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/08/2021
Fun
Spirit Airlines Installs Ejection Seats For Toddlers Who Take Off Their Masks

- April 6, 2021MIRAMAR, FL—In order to crack down on the growing pandemic of toddlers not wearing masks after takeoff, Spirit Airlines has announced that all aircraft will now be fitted with ejector seats to quickly remove dangerous maskless babies from the plane."We're not messing around anymore," said company CEO Edward M. Christie. "We've had it with these...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/06/2021
Fun
Dr. Fauci Predicts At Least 3 More COVID Variants May Be Required To Completely Break America's Spirit

- April 6, 2021U.S.—As America looks forward to leaving the pandemic behind and getting back to normal, Dr. Fauci went on a media tour to say "not so fast!" According to America's wisest sage, there are new, exciting, and dangerous variants of COVID-19 on their way, which may require another round of lockdowns."America's spirit isn't completely broken yet," sa...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/06/2021
Fun
Biden Says Mask Wearing Must Continue Until Everyone Has Learned Complete Obedience To Government

- March 17, 2021WASHINGTON D.C.—A big question on everyone’s mind is when they will finally be able to stop wearing masks. President Joe Biden recently clarified this issue, saying people will be able to stop wearing masks as soon as absolutely everyone “has learned complete obedience to the government.”“Both the federal and local governments have given you lots of di...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/17/2021
Fun
Biden Says If Everyone Is On Their Best Behavior He Might Allow Some Limited Freedoms On July 4

- March 15, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—In his address to the nation yesterday, President Joe Biden said if everyone is very good this year, he'll allow Americans to have some limited freedoms on July 4."If you are all good boys and girls, we can have a few freedoms back on the fourth of July," he said. "It'll be a nice treat for doing such a good job listening. Who's a g...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/15/2021
Fun
With Pandemic Ending, People Who Yell At Others To Wear Masks In Danger Of Never Feeling Important Again

- March 1, 2021U.S.—There’s a light at the end of the tunnel for the pandemic as vaccine distribution continues to increase, and soon the whole ordeal will be over. While most people are celebrating this development, it has filled others with worry -- especially those who have taken it upon themselves to yell at people who aren’t wearing masks. They have a sinking feeling they&rs...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/06/2021
Fun
Texas Removes Mask Mandate To Scare All The Californians Away

- March 5, 2021AUSTIN, TX—Governor Greg Abbott of Texas has just lifted the mask mandate and is allowing business to return to 100% capacity. The Governor explains that in these trying times, extreme measures must be taken to stop the spread of Californians into Texas and to scare them off from ever wanting to return. “The last thing we need is a bunch of sissies from California m...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/05/2021
Fun
Progressive Surprised To Learn He Can Still Wear Mask Even Without Government Forcing Him To

- March 5, 2021AUSTIN, TX—As Texas removed its mask mandate this week, many progressives were shocked to learn that they could still wear masks. Having been led to believe that the end of the mask mandate would mean all masks everywhere would disappear like all those people in Infinity War, he was surprised to find that his mask hadn't yet been dusted from existence."It's s...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/05/2021
Fun
Researchers Warn Of New Giant Covid-19 Variant
Large Enough To Swallow Grown Man Whole

- March 5, 2021ATLANTA—Urging Americans to reconsider their current precautions in light of the grim discovery, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention researchers warned Thursday of a new giant Covid-19 variant large enough to swallow a grown man whole. “This is a mammoth monster of a virus, big enough and strong enough to consume a full-sized adult male in one swift gulp,” s...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/05/2021
Fun
Neanderthals Having Fun Night Out While Civilized People Hide In Caves

- March 5, 2021DALLAS, TX—Only hours after Governor Greg Abbott's decision to lift the Texas mask mandate, thousands of Neanderthals descended on downtown Dallas for a fun night of eating, drinking, and dancing. Meanwhile, thousands of civilized, progressive Texans hid in dark caves to protect themselves from coronavirus. "Oog like steak! Oog like beer! Oog like loud music...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/05/2021
Fun
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