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  “The Virus Stops With Every Vaccinated Person”
Eight Quotes From The ‘Experts’ That Aged Horribly

- January 22, 2022  I began an article yesterday with the line: If coordinated lies could stop the spread of respiratory viruses, Covid would have ended in March of 2020. It applies just a...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/22/2022
Apologies
 10 Surefire Ways To Get Out Of Wearing A Mask When Someone Tells You To

- January 19, 2022  Everywhere you look, there are petty tyrants trying to steal your freedom by making you wear a mask! We say ENOUGH! If you're as sick of it as we are, here ...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/19/2022
Fun
 SCOTUS Rules Healthcare Workers Are The Only People Who Can't Make Decisions About Their Own Health

- January 13, 2022  U.S.—In a landmark ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court has determined that Biden's vaccine mandate for private businesses is unconstitutional. However, in a split de...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/14/2022
Fun
 'What’s The Difference Between A Human And A Toaster?' Asks One Of Nine Most Powerful People In Country

- January 11, 2022  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, one of the most powerful people in American politics, has been getting philosophical lately as she cont...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/11/2022
Fun
Legal Experts Ask Justice Sotomayor To Recuse Herself From Case Due To Her Being An Idiot

- January 10, 2022  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Legal experts are begging Justice Sonia Sotomayor to recuse herself from hearing further arguments in vaccine mandate case, Biden v. Missouri,...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/10/2022
Fun
 Oral Arguments Postponed As Justice Sotomayor Gets Gavel Stuck Up Her Nose Again

- January 8, 2022  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Oral arguments in SCOTUS's hearing over OSHA's vaccine mandates had to be postponed a third time this morning as Justice Sonia Sotomayor got...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/08/2022
Fun
 Nation's Fate Now In The Hands Of 8 Dummies And Clarence Thomas
"Smith was interrupted as a short yellow bus arrived to take Justice Sotomayor home."

- January 8, 2022  WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the Supreme Court heard oral arguments on the legality of OSHA's vaccine requirement, the nation collectively gasped at the realiza...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/08/2022
Fun
Leftist Who Keeps Getting COVID Tests Says He Can Quit Anytime

- January 3, 2022  ARLINGTON, VA—A local family held an impromptu intervention for their son, Eric Chag, 35, who has been taking up to 24 COVID tests a day.“I can quit anytime I ...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/03/2022
Fun
 Unvaccinated Man Feeling Left Out As All His Vaccinated Friends Have COVID

- January 1, 2021  CLEVELAND, OH—Local unvaccinated man Chuck Dornley is feeling very left out this holiday season, as all his vaccinated friends have now contracted COVID. "...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/01/2022
Fun
FDA Approves New Anti-Omicron Drug 'PfiQuil'

- December 31, 2021  SILVER SPRING, MD—As part of an emergency response to the rise of Omicron, the FDA has approved the use of a brand new Pfizer drug "PfiQuil" to treat the...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/31/2021
Fun
 White House Decorated With Touching Christmas Message 'YOU WILL DIE'

- December 23, 2021  WASHINGTON, D.C.—The nation’s capital grew even more festive as the White House unveiled its facade lit with a resplendent light display spelling out the tou...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/23/2021
Fun
 White House Sends Out Christmas Cards With Heartfelt Message: 'You Will Get Sick And Die This Winter'

- December 18, 2021  U.S.—Americans opening their mailboxes were greeted with a wonderful holiday surprise, as the White House had mailed them Christmas cards with the heartwarming mes...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/18/2021
Fun
 10 Undeniable Proofs That Mask Mandates Work

- December 15, 2021  Still don't believe mask mandates work? Over and over, we've screamed "DIE, YOU SCIENCE DENIER!" in your face, and yet you still doubt the science.&nbs...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/15/2021
Fun
New Pfizer Punch Card Lets You Get Free Sub Sandwich Every 10th Booster

- December 9, 2021  U.S.—Pfizer is introducing a new Loyalty Club program, sources confirmed Wednesday, through which you can get a free sub sandwich with every 10th booster. You can s...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/09/2021
Fun
Hitler Proclaims Anyone Who Attacks Him Is Attacking Science

- November 30, 2021  BERLIN—In an interview with CBS News, German Chancellor Adolf Hitler declared that anyone who attacks him or his methods is really attacking science itself. &...  READ MORE
nolanf
11/30/2021
Fun
Fauci Dons Funny Hat, Declares Himself To Be Pope Of Science

- November 30, 2021  WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning reveal, Dr. Fauci has appeared on camera in an ornate and funny hat, and is now declaring himself the "Pope of Science.&qu...  READ MORE
nolanf
11/30/2021
Fun
U.S. Congressman From Texas Has a Better Name for the New COVID Variant
The Midterm Election Variant!

- November 27, 2021  Covid skeptics across the country are speaking out about many irregularities with the so-called “Omicron Variant.” It came out of nowhere at a very convenien...  READ MORE
nolanf
11/28/2021
Fun
CDC Cautions Against Taking The Red Pill

- November 17, 2021  ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has cautioned Americans against taking the red pill, as it can lead to severe side effects such as "realizing the truth about the way our ...  READ MORE
nolanf
11/17/2021
Fun
Here Are 10 More Upcoming Product Endorsements From Big Bird

- November 11, 2021  The beloved Sesame Street character Big Bird is finally doing what he was born to do: sell pharmaceutical products to small children! After his resounding success i...  READ MORE
nolanf
11/13/2021
Fun
Sesame Street Sends Important Message That All Good Puppets Get Vaccinated

- November 12, 2021  NEW YORK, NY—In a critically acclaimed episode on Sesame Street, Big Bird taught his young audience the important life lesson that all good puppets should hap...  READ MORE
nolanf
11/12/2021
Fun
Oscar The Grouch Refuses The Vaccine, Stocks Up On Ivermectin

- November 9, 2021SESAME STREET, NY—With the COVID-19 vaccine now approved for 5 to 11-year-olds, many of the residents of Sesame Street are flocking to get the vaccination, even though it has n...  READ MORE
nolanf
11/09/2021
Fun
Fauci Hopes His Experiments On Puppies Will Distract Everyone From Experiments He Performed On Humanity For Past 18 Months

- October 26, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Dr. Anthony Fauci is embroiled in controversy over his organization reportedly funding an experiment in which dogs had their heads trapped in cages and were ea...  READ MORE
nolanf
10/26/2021
Fun
Biden Drives Windowless Van Through Neighborhood Offering Kids Free Vaccines

- October 21, 2021DERRY, ME—Police spent the day responding to a flurry of 911 calls from parents reporting a strange white van winding through their neighborhoods and circling park playgrounds....  READ MORE
nolanf
10/21/2021
Fun
Biden Promises He Will Stop Being A Bad President If Everyone Gets Vaccinated

- October 29, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Americans struggle against runaway inflation, labor shortages, and supply chain congestion, President Biden has vowed to stop being a bad president if every...  READ MORE
nolanf
10/19/2021
Fun
16 Common Phrases In The News And What They Actually Mean

- October 29, 2021As everyone knows, the news media knows what's best for us and they always tell the truth. The only problem is that they use really big and complicated words that we simple ...  READ MORE
nolanf
10/19/2021
Fun
Southwest Airlines Offering Free Flights To All Passengers Who Are Vaccinated And Can Fly A Plane

- October 11, 2021DALLAS, TX—A spokesperson for Southwest Airlines has announced delays in flights due to strange weather that seems to pass over competitors’ planes, only affecting&n...  READ MORE
nolanf
10/12/2021
Fun
Terrifying New Halloween Mask Depicts A Human Face Not Wearing A Mask

- October 11, 2021U.S.—Kids are getting their Halloween costumes together, and this year there's a particularly spooky one going around: some kids are wearing a popular new mask that depicts...  READ MORE
nolanf
10/12/2021
Fun
Terrorists Released From Guantanamo Bay To Make Room For Parents Who Protested At School Board Meetings

- October 8, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Terrorists are being released from Guantanamo Bay in order to make room for parents protesting their children's education, sources at the State Department c...  READ MORE
nolanf
10/08/2021
Fun
Infrastructure Bill Includes Capitol Building Expansion To Hold All The Pfizer Lobbyists

- October 7, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Senate leaders revealed today that Biden's "Build Back Better" infrastructure plan will include $86 Billion for a brand-new Capitol Building const...  READ MORE
nolanf
10/07/2021
Fun
‘Trust Us To Make Health Decisions For You,’ Says Government Health Agency That Can't Define What A Woman Is

- October 2, 2021ATLANTA, GA—The Director of the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention issued a statement Friday reminding US citizens to trust the CDC to make important health decis...  READ MORE
nolanf
10/02/2021
Fun
CDC Reminds People To Listen To All Medical Professionals Except For The Tens Of Thousands Who Refused The Vaccine

- September 30, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—The CDC today issued a reminder for Americans to trust healthcare professionals when learning about the vaccine—except if said doctor disagre...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/30/2021
Fun
YouTube To Ban All Videos Except The One Showing Stephen Colbert Dancing With People Dressed As Vaccines

- September 30, 2021SAN BRUNO, CA—In an effort to prevent the spread of anti-vax misinformation, YouTube has announced that all videos that have ever been uploaded to their platform will be remo...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/30/2021
Fun
New York Atheists Claim Religious Exemption From Vaccine After Governor Claims That It’s From God

- September 29, 2021ALBANY, NY—New York atheists have come out in force against the COVID-19 vaccine after learning that their state’s Governor Kathy Hochul claimed that God made the scien...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/29/2021
Fun
Biden: 'We Can Return To Normal When 3.5 Trillion Americans Have Been Vaccinated'

- September 29, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—During his booster shot ceremony Monday, President Biden was ordered to stop taking questions by a man holding a shepherd's crook just behind the cu...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/29/2021
Fun
Enraged Mormon BYU Football Crowd Shouts 'Fudge Joe Biden!'

- September 29, 2021PROVO, UT—Mormon students attending the Brigham Young University football game this past weekend joined other colleges across the country in expressing their opinion of Presi...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/29/2021
Fun
7 Powerful Verses In The Bible That Support Vaccination

- September 29, 2021Are you still hesitant to get the vaccine? Repent, sinner! Everyone knows that getting the vaccine is the best way to show everyone you're a good Christian. But if you nee...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/29/2021
Fun
COVID Approval Rating Skyrockets After Briefly Interrupting 'The View'

- September 25, 2021U.S.—COVID's approval rating has skyrocketed after briefly interrupting The View this week with a positive test scare. According to a Gallup poll, 96% of Americ...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/25/2021
Fun
Pfizer Assures That Vaccine Is Almost As Safe For Kids As COVID

- September 20, 2021NEW YORK, NY—After conducting several trials, Pfizer has announced that their vaccine is now almost as safe for kids as getting COVID is. "We are very proud of this...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/20/2021
Fun
Schoolboy Who Hasn't Seen A Human Face In Weeks Just Glad Celebrities Had A Good Time Last Night

- September 20, 2021HONESDALE, PA—According to sources, local second-grade boy Carter Yoder is really happy all the rich celebrities in Hollywood got to take their masks off and have a...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/20/2021
Fun
White House: 'We Must Continue Admitting Unvaccinated Immigrants To Replace All The Workers Who Got Fired For Being Unvaccinated'

- September 18, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking on behalf of President Biden, Jen Psaki claimed today that we should keep letting unvaccinated immigrants into the country, since we need to fill al...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/18/2021
Fun
Liberal Annoyed His Mask Hides How Smug He Looks For Wearing A Mask

- September 18, 2021PORTLAND, OR—Local liberal man Patrick Verde wears a mask everywhere, but there's just one problem: nobody can see how smug he looks over his superiority for wearing a ma...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/18/2021
Fun
Vaccinated Man Just Wishes There Was Something That Could Protect Him From COVID

- September 14, 2021U.S.—The vaccinated millions have done what they’re supposed to. They’ve taken the vaccine to show they care about others and are good human beings. Now, these im...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/14/2021
Fun
Biden Declares We Must Spray Sunscreen On Everyone To Protect Those Already Wearing Sunscreen

- September 4, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden today issued a new executive order mandating that every single American be covered with sunscreen, in order to protect the good Americans who ...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/14/2021
Fun
Man Disguises Self As Illegal Immigrant So Democrats Won't Care That He's Unvaccinated

- September 10, 2021SAN DIEGO, CA—According to sources, Democrats in Washington really want people to get vaccinated. When it comes to undocumented immigrants, however, Democrats don't reall...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/10/2021
Fun
Biden Unveils 'Your Body, My Choice' Vaccination Program

- September 9, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a speech today, Joe Biden unveiled a brand new program to force the rest of the country to get vaccinated, entitled "Your Body, My Choice.""...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/09/2021
Fun
Biden Announces He Has Natural Immunity To The Constitution

- September 9, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden has announced a sweeping vaccine mandate for private citizens and companies that experts say is a grossly unconstitutional government overreach. Biden, ...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/09/2021
Fun
New Mask For Democratic Politicians Automatically Goes Up When A Camera Is Around

- September 3, 2021U.S.—An innovative new battery-powered mask for Democratic politicians will automatically deploy whenever it detects a camera around. Dubbed the AutoMask, the mask uses advanc...  READ MORE
nolanf
09/03/2021
Fun
Costco Introduces New 5-Gallon Family Size Pfizer Vaccine

- August 31, 2021SEATTLE, WA—In a deal that probably has nothing to do with Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine showing disappointing long-term effectiveness, the pharmaceutical giant has announced ...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/31/2021
Fun
8 Other Things You Can Do Rather Than Mask Mandates If You Hate Children

- August 21, 2021Lots of people hate children and want them to suffer. The popular way to do that now is to make kids wear masks all the time despite the minimal risk from COVID-19 to children. But he...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/21/2021
Fun
School Board Meetings Now Being Held In Football Stadiums To Accommodate All The Angry Parents

- August 14, 2021U.S.—Across the country, school board meetings are being moved from small city halls and school district conference rooms to massive football stadiums to accomodate all the pare...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/14/2021
Fun
Public School Starts Day With Pledge Of Allegiance To Dr. Fauci

- August 10, 2021RICHMOND, VA—A local 5th-grade class started classes this morning by standing and reciting the pledge of allegiance to Dr. Fauci, as is now the cherished custom. "Ritu...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/10/2021
Fun
Nation Agrees To Get Vaccinated In Exchange For TikTok Influencers Being Launched Into The Sun

- August 10, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House has hired TikTok influencer Benny Drama to help promote COVID vaccinations, and this move has already delivered stunning results. After Benny re...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/10/2021
Fun
MY GATES AND FAUCI MEMES

- August 9, 2021These memes run more or less in the order I created them starting in 2020.As somebody recently said, memes should be called “spoiler alerts.” I posted my first Bill Gates C...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/09/2021
Fun
Mayor Bowser Vows To Viciously Enforce New Mask Mandate With Army Of Koopas

- August 3, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Mayor Muriel Bowser, sensing resistance to her mask decree, has promised ruthless enforcement of the new rule by bringing in a seemingly endless a...  READ MORE
nolanf
08/03/2021
Fun
Pelosi Orders Everyone At Capitol To Wear Swim Floaties In Case Of Flash Flood

- July 31, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced Friday that anyone visiting or working at the Capitol will be arrested on sight if they do not wear pool floaties in c...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/31/2021
Fun
FLASHBACK: CDC Recommends Using Baby Diapers as PPE

- July 29, 2021ATLANTA -- The CDC issued a statement recommending that doctors and nurses should now use baby diapers for personal protective equipment (PPE). Given the widespread national shortages o...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/29/2021
Fun
Face Masks Found To Be Effective At Making You Look Like A Giant Dummy Who Doesn’t Know How Vaccines Work

- July 29, 2021ATLANTA, GA—The CDC is once again recommending face masks indoors—even for vaccinated individuals. While the exact effectiveness of face masks in preventing the spread of CO...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/29/2021
Fun
Dangerous New Freedom Variant Causing People To Ignore Government And Live Their Lives

- July 24, 2021U.S.—Experts are warning of yet another new problem facing the nation: They’ve spotted a new, more dangerous freedom variant spreading among the populace. This freedom is so...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/24/2021
Fun
Biden Announces Partnership With Skynet To Create Army Of Door-To-Door Vaccine Enforcement Robots

- July 10, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden has been hiring door-to-door vaccine evangelists, but as too many people would rather stay home and collect a government paycheck than work for the governme...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/10/2021
Fun
Updated Death Certificates Require Choosing Between COVID, Climate Change, Or Systemic Racism As Cause Of Death

- July 7, 2021U.S.—The Biden administration is providing new guidance to coroners and medical examiners across the country for determining causes of death. From now on, doctors and officials who...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/07/2021
Fun
Brilliant funny 2 minute video to send to vaxtards…

- July 2, 2021This is brilliant. This really puts this vaxxine nonsense straight into the bin. If you want to really wind them right up send them this… ...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/02/2021
Fun
Face Mask Says "This Mask Is As Useless As Joe Biden" Going Viral
Buy yours today!

- July 1, 2021(DHG) — A small Pro-trump online shop is going VIRAL on social media, for creating the only mask that people want to wear!Conservatives resonate deeply with&nbs...  READ MORE
nolanf
07/01/2021
Fun
Delta Variant Found To Be Twice As Virulent And Blah Blah Blah...
Whatever. Who Cares At This Point.

- June 19, 2021U.S.—Scientists now warn that the COVID-19 Delta Variant is, like, more contagious and also, like... other stuff about it. Some of them have brought up masks again. I’m sure...  READ MORE
nolanf
06/30/2021
Fun
Welsh Government Adopts COVID Advice from Meme
Tenors emit more virus than altos!

- June 25, 2021Throughout the pandemic, Guido’s repeatedly pointed out the failings of the Westminster media to hold regional governments to account, as they do the government in Whitehall. Mark...  READ MORE
nolanf
06/25/2021
Fun
Latest Science Now Says We All Must Wear Masks To Prevent Global Warming

- May 18, 2021U.S.—A new study from very credible scientists has revealed that science wants everyone to continue to wear masks for the foreseeable future. This is due to brand new evidence...  READ MORE
nolanf
05/18/2021
Fun
SNL takes aim at Dr. Fauci and mask confusion

- May 16, 2021 Saturday Night Live took time to mock the CDC's announcement earlier in the week that fully vaccinated people no longer need to wear face masks in certain situations....  READ MORE
nolanf
05/16/2021
Fun
Some Of The Funniest Tweets About The CDC Saying Vaccinated People Don't Need To Wear A Mask Anymore

- May 14, 2021After a year of not being able to recognize anyone on the street because we were all (mostly) masked up, the CDC announced Thursday that people no longer need to wear a mask or soci...  READ MORE
nolanf
05/14/2021
Fun
Johnson And Johnson Rolls Out New 'No More Clots' Vaccine

- April 29, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—A spokesman for the FDA announced Friday that it was lifting the pause on the Johnson and Johnson COVID vaccine after the company reformulated the product into a...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/29/2021
Fun
Biden Wears Mask On Zoom Call In Case COVID Has Mutated Into A Computer Virus

- April 27, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Joe Biden was seen wearing a mask in a climate summit with world leaders, despite his being vaccinated and despite the conference being virtual and hel...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/28/2021
Fun
All Scientists Forced To Retire After Realizing The Science Is Now Settled

- April 26, 2021WORLD—Thousands of scientists around the world are looking for new work after they realized the science is settled and there was no need for them anymore. "The science ...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/26/2021
Fun
Unclear What Political Party Man Belongs To Since He's Wearing Both A MAGA Hat And A Mask

- April 23, 2021HUDSON, OH—It’s been a crazy time for the past year, but some Ohio residents were exposed to a very confusing sight: Outside walking alone was a man wearing a red “Ma...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/23/2021
Fun
Man Who Trusts Science Wears Mask While Outside, Helmet While Driving, Water Wings While Taking A Bath

- April 19, 2021WALTHAM, MA—Kenny Stone always trusts the science. That’s why, despite getting vaccinated, he’s listening to Dr. Anthony Fauci and the CDC and continuing to wear a ma...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/19/2021
Fun
Pope Announces Vaccine Selfies Can Now Be Turned in to Spring a Relative Out of Purgatory
According to sources, the indulgence is good for the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines only.

- April 17, 2021In an effort to encourage vaccination among faithful Catholics worldwide, Pope Francis has announced that for a limited time, vaccine selfies can be turned in to church authorities in ...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/17/2021
Fun
More Conservatives Deciding Not To Get Vaccinated After Learning Liberals Will Stay Away From Them

- April 15, 2021U.S.—A new study has found that many conservatives are deciding not to get the COVID-19 vaccine after they learned that liberals will continue staying away from them for their sa...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/15/2021
Fun
Experts Are Super Smart And 100% Reliable, Experts Confirm

- April 13, 2021U.S.—A new study performed by experts has confirmed that experts always know what they're talking about and never, ever just make stuff up to sound smart, experts confirmed t...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/13/2021
Fun
'It Is Still Not Safe To Go Outside,' Says Fauci's Head In A Jar In Year 2739

- April 12, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—An intercepted transmission that appears to be from the year 2739 shows footage of Dr. Anthony Fauci -- or rather, just his head, which has been preserved in a j...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/12/2021
Fun
Texas Announces They Will Go Back To Shooting People Wearing Masks
On The Assumption They're Stagecoach Robbers

- April 8, 2021AUSTIN, TX—In yet another return to normalcy, Texas has announced that effective immediately they will return to their normal mask policy: Anyone wearing a mask is automatica...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/08/2021
Fun
Spirit Airlines Installs Ejection Seats For Toddlers Who Take Off Their Masks

- April 6, 2021MIRAMAR, FL—In order to crack down on the growing pandemic of toddlers not wearing masks after takeoff, Spirit Airlines has announced that all aircraft will now be fitted with eje...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/06/2021
Fun
Dr. Fauci Predicts At Least 3 More COVID Variants May Be Required To Completely Break America's Spirit

- April 6, 2021U.S.—As America looks forward to leaving the pandemic behind and getting back to normal, Dr. Fauci went on a media tour to say "not so fast!" According to America's ...  READ MORE
nolanf
04/06/2021
Fun
Biden Says Mask Wearing Must Continue Until Everyone Has Learned Complete Obedience To Government

- March 17, 2021WASHINGTON D.C.—A big question on everyone’s mind is when they will finally be able to stop wearing masks. President Joe Biden recently clarified this issue, saying people ...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/17/2021
Fun
Biden Says If Everyone Is On Their Best Behavior He Might Allow Some Limited Freedoms On July 4

- March 15, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—In his address to the nation yesterday, President Joe Biden said if everyone is very good this year, he'll allow Americans to have some limited freedoms on J...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/15/2021
Fun
With Pandemic Ending, People Who Yell At Others To Wear Masks In Danger Of Never Feeling Important Again

- March 1, 2021U.S.—There’s a light at the end of the tunnel for the pandemic as vaccine distribution continues to increase, and soon the whole ordeal will be over. While most people are c...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/06/2021
Fun
Texas Removes Mask Mandate To Scare All The Californians Away

- March 5, 2021AUSTIN, TX—Governor Greg Abbott of Texas has just lifted the mask mandate and is allowing business to return to 100% capacity. The Governor explains that in these trying times, ex...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/05/2021
Fun
Progressive Surprised To Learn He Can Still Wear Mask Even Without Government Forcing Him To

- March 5, 2021AUSTIN, TX—As Texas removed its mask mandate this week, many progressives were shocked to learn that they could still wear masks. Having been led to believe that the end of the ma...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/05/2021
Fun
Researchers Warn Of New Giant Covid-19 Variant
Large Enough To Swallow Grown Man Whole

- March 5, 2021ATLANTA—Urging Americans to reconsider their current precautions in light of the grim discovery, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention researchers warned Thursday of a new gi...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/05/2021
Fun
Neanderthals Having Fun Night Out While Civilized People Hide In Caves

- March 5, 2021DALLAS, TX—Only hours after Governor Greg Abbott's decision to lift the Texas mask mandate, thousands of Neanderthals descended on downtown Dallas for a fun night of eati...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/05/2021
Fun
Estimated 9 Billion Already Dead From Texas Mask Mandate Reversal

- March 4, 2021WORLD—We were warned. Only one day after Texas succumbed to neanderthal thinking and reversed the mask mandate, experts reported an estimated 9 billion people around the world hav...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/04/2021
Fun
Couple spotted at Waitrose in full hazmat suits, rubber gloves and goggles

- March 2, 2021A couple were spotted taking no chances against coronavirus as they did their big shop in Waitrose in full hazmat suits. The unidentified shoppers sported goggles and gloves while dress...  READ MORE
nolanf
03/02/2021
Fun
Nation Prepares To Celebrate 1st Anniversary Of Two Weeks To Flatten The Curve

- February 11, 2021U.S.—The nation is preparing to celebrate what is expected to become a beloved annual holiday: Two Weeks To Slow The Spread Day, to be held in March every year."This...  READ MORE
nolanf
02/11/2021
Fun
Help Is On The Way: Next Stimulus Bill Will Give Every American $2,000 Worth Of Masks

- February 11, 2021WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress has finally come to an agreement on the stimulus bill: every American will be sent $2,000, but instead of cash, the payment will be made in roughly $...  READ MORE
nolanf
02/11/2021
Fun
China assures its citizens they won't waddle 'like penguins' following coronavirus anal swabs

- February 1, 2021Chinese authorities have labelled a viral video 'fake' after it purportedly showed people walking 'like penguins' following an anal swab to test for the novel co...  READ MORE
nolanf
02/01/2021
Fun
Biden Promises Nationwide Mask Mandate And Womandate

- January 4, 2020WASHINGTON, D.C.—In light of recent events, Biden has updated his COVID plan to include not just a mask mandate, but a mask womandate as well. In a prepared statement given to h...  READ MORE
nolanf
01/04/2021
Fun
Man who shot at gas station due to having to wear a mask identified due to not wearing a mask

- December 28, 2020 Ellensburg police arrested a man who allegedly committed a drive-by shooting Sunday, an altercation which started because the suspect was told he had to wear a mask.Ellensburg...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/28/2020
Fun
Horde Of Vengeful Animatronics Breaks Out Of Closed-Down Disneyland To Attack Governor Newsom

- December 22, 2020ANAHEIM, CA—A horde of vengeful animatronics, sitting bored on the Disneyland lot and growing increasingly agitated from California's 9-month lockdown, has broken out of t...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/22/2020
Fun
Jupiter And Saturn Fined For Not Obeying Social Distancing

- December 21, 2020SOLAR SYSTEM—Astronomers at NASA have fined two planets in our solar system, Saturn and Jupiter, for callously disregarding social distancing rules as their paths cross in the...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/22/2020
Fun
Moderna Vaccine Rejected Since It Also Works On White People
.. but they do get twenty dollars and a coupon for Arby’s.

- December 21, 2020WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a blow to the fight against the coronavirus pandemic, Moderna’s vaccine has now been rejected by the FDA. This was done because of a recommendation f...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/21/2020
Fun
California Declares Christmas Caroling A Felony

- December 18, 2020SACRAMENTO, CA—California has leveraged one of its recent emergency declarations to declare Christmas caroling a felony.Christmas caroling is now punishable by 25 years in pri...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/18/2020
Fun
‘We Must Follow The Science!’ Screams Actor Who Believes Xenu Dumped Frozen Aliens Into Volcanoes
..and Exploded Them With Bombs 75,000,000 Years Ago.

- December 17, 2020LONDON—While filming the next Mission Impossible movie, an actor who believes Xenu stacked frozen aliens around volcanoes and then flew Douglas DC-8s over them to dr...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/17/2020
Fun
Man Selflessly Offers To Let Rest Of Country Try Vaccine First

- December 15, 2020BOULDER, CO—As the vaccine arrives in hospitals and select mansions across the U.S., local hero Robert Johnston has graciously given up his dose until everyone else has had th...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/15/2020
Fun
Biden To Defeat Skin Cancer By Ordering Americans To Avoid All Sunlight For 100 Days

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In his ongoing effort to defeat all forms of death, local elderly man and completely legitimate President-Elect Joe Biden announced that he will end skin cancer forever by ...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/08/2020
Fun
Trump One-Ups Obama, Bush, Clinton By Publicly Taking 21 Doses Of Vaccine At Once

- December 7, 2020WASHINGTON, D.C.—Causing quite a scene at Walter Reed Medical Center, President Trump has injected himself with what witnesses later said was easily 21 doses of the COVID-19 va...  READ MORE
nolanf
12/07/2020
Fun
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